Why are you doing this to yourself?

I know—it’s been almost six months since my last post, but a lot has happened since I logged off and deleted my Facebook account for the last time.

I haven’t really missed Facebook all that much. I did go back to IG and set up an account, which is mostly for my photography. I haven’t been doing a whole lot of photography lately, so I don’t go on there very often. Back when I was more active on social media, Facebook was more of a problem than Insta ever was, so I don’t see my return as a failure.

So what have I been doing with the extra time? Reading, knitting, watching YouTube videos, yoga, and dance classes are among the activities I find myself drawn to most of the time. Most importantly, I’ve had more time to reflect on the current state of my life now and what I want it to look like moving forward.

Like a lot of people, the pandemic has been a time of reflection. While the pandemic is not yet over, I know that I will not emerge from it the same person that I was going in. I have battled anxiety and depression among the uncertainty of the pandemic and my husband’s job situation. As I developed more clarity about the direction of my life, I’ve also become less tolerant about what I’m willing to put up with from other people.

With other people, I’ve considered myself a pretty patient person, wanting to give them grace and the benefit of the doubt when they’ve treated me and/or others less than respectfully. I do have my limits (and an ex-husband to show for it), but I’ve realized that there are still parts of my life need to be reassessed and dealt with—namely my career.

I’ve been with my current employer for 23+ years and in my career field for about 25 years. As for the career itself, I’ve accomplished what I set out to accomplish. That alone would certainly be enough justification to consider at least a change to a different type of role within my career field, if not a complete career change. As for the employer, even if I knew for sure that I wanted to continue doing what I am currently doing indefinitely, I definitely don’t want to be doing it there. A formerly very pleasant, trusting, and collegial work environment has sadly grown more toxic. Upper management is quite dysfunctional. Many people in the middle management ranks and below have left or are considering exit strategies. Since I just can’t afford to up and quit (yay bills! 💸), I’m among those who are developing an exit strategy. Stick a fork in me and call me done. 🍴

After looking at my options, I’ve decided to make a career switch. Job opportunities in my current line of work are not terribly plentiful and I want something that will offer more flexibility in when and where I work from. A nice salary is also a plus. On that note, when I do leave my current employer, I will technically be “retiring” and will start to draw a decent pension right away. It’s not enough to live on, but will be a nice addition to what I will eventually be bringing in once I start my first job in my new career.

I have made a decision about my career and I’ll soon be starting online training to make the switch to a career in IT. Job opportunities are plentiful, the money is good, and the flexibility I’m looking for is there (think working from home while wearing yoga pants! 😁). Another plus is that I can use a good bit of the skills and experience I’ve gained in my current career in this career. I will definitely be discussing my experiences going through this transition here so keep an eye out.

As for the byline of this post—this is where I explain it. As a way to get my body moving and to deal with all the stress of work and other things, I’ve made it a point to develop and maintain a regular yoga/meditation practice. I’ve discovered that when I allow myself to get still and clear my mind, my inner voice will reveal truths that I wouldn’t otherwise be able to hear above the other noise in my head. During a recent savasana (last pose of a yoga practice also known as corpse pose where you lie completely still for a few minutes with your eyes closed), that inner voice asked me:

“Why are you doing this to yourself?”

I know it could apply to other things, but I suspect that it applies at least in part to my current work situation. I know that I deserve better and I am working on a plan to make that happen. I think it’s also a reminder for me to be kinder to myself as I’m working my way through this situation and the other things I currently have going on. I will do my best to do that and continue to listen to the truth that my inner voice speaks.

I’ve finally unplugged…I think…

It’s been just over a week since Easter and my Facebook sign-off. With all the trouble I had, I finally had to download the Facebook mobile app to my phone to try it again. I think that actually worked! Just in case you aren’t already aware, when you go to delete your Facebook account, it doesn’t delete it right away. Instead, it essentially deactivates it for thirty days in hopes that you’ll change your mind and log back in. I’ve made a reminder for myself to double check it on May 7 just to make sure that it’s really gone.

On a related note, in an effort to read more of what I actually own on my Kindle, I recently started reading Stop Checking Your Likes: shake off the need for approval and live an incredible life by Susie Moore.While a lot of it is tied in with social media, the need for approval also applies to the other facets of one’s life. One is at their happiest when they are living their most authentic life, not being overly concerned about what others think of them. This is freedom—to live, love, and take action towards accomplishing those things that will benefit oneself, friends and family, and humankind, in general.

I really do believe that giving up most social media has been the right decision for me. I’ve spent more time with the husband and have made time for exercise, among other things. My overall disposition is better. There are times I still get a little antsy, but I deal and move on. I see what I’ve done not so much as an act of rebellion, but as an act of self-care.

Now that I’ve pretty much closed this chapter, I will say that I do plan on continuing to blog on at least a somewhat regular basis. Writing is therapeutic for me, a good way to unload the mind. There is more for me to share, including some major life changes that may be on the horizon. Watch this space and see what happens!

This has gone way beyond Lent

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Life happens, but that doesn’t mean that my mind has wandered far from the whole social media conundrum.

I did finish reading Terms of Service. It was definitely another eye opener and I recommend it. There are other titles out there on the subject, but with what I’ve read to date, I’m satisfied that I have the knowledge that I need to make a logical decision about the issue…except that the emotional side of me is getting in the way.

Keep in mind that I haven’t logged on to Facebook to use it in any meaningful way in weeks. Even though I’ve invited “friends” to keep in touch with me via Messenger, I have yet to get one single message from them. I definitely don’t miss the drama.

On that note, I recently saw a news article that is proof positive of the social media drama that has run completely amuck. Seriously, all Krispy Kreme wanted to do was to encourage people to get vaccinated. As for how customers want to approach this offer, that is their business, not Krispy Kreme’s. If a customer wants to stop in everyday for their free doughnut and gain a ton of weight as a result, Krispy Kreme is not responsible for that. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? (rant over)

Regardless of my mixed emotions, I will still most likely pull the plug on Facebook. It’s obvious that the negatives outweigh the positives. Even without social media, people aren’t that hard to track down in this day and age, if you’re determined enough. I do admit that I’m enjoying the peace and quiet and extra time on my hands that allows me to get more productive things done. A sign of faith is choosing to move ahead in spite of not knowing how things will turn out. I choose faith.

I’ve chosen next Sunday, April 4, as the date where I will be pulling the plug. Next Sunday is Easter. In the Christian tradition, the resurrection of Christ is a freeing of the world from the stranglehold of sin. While Facebook (and other social media platforms) isn’t inherently sinful in and of itself, it does have a tendency to bring out the worst in some people, which drags our whole society down. Without social media, there is enough negativity in the world. Why subject ourselves to any more of that than we have to? I’m choosing to be free.

Social Media: To whom it may concern

Most of the content of this post is a letter that my husband posted to his Facebook account shortly before completely deleting it. When I asked him if it was OK for me to share it here, he enthusiastically agreed. For the most part, the following is exactly as he wrote it.

To whom it may concern:

In light of the revelation that Social Media companies design their platforms to include algorithm to keep us engaged as long as possible and to track everything we do on the platform. They record everything we “like”, comment, post, and share and then sell the information they collect to “the highest bidder”. They sell our (deeply personal) to data aggregators, advertisers, lawyers, private investigators, government agencies, and the like. Anything we say can and will be used against us. Let us keep in mind that Social Media companies are publicly-traded corporations that are beholden to their shareholders to maximize their profits.

If you are not paying for the product you ARE the product.

In light of the political vitriol that has torn families, friendships, and marriages apart, exemplified by the insurrection on the United States Capitol on 6 January 2021, it has become painfully clear to me that we can no longer share our true feelings with one another without being accused of “disrespecting” or otherwise “offending” one another. This is a most tragic state of affairs and I am sorry to say that the “Conspiracy Theories” spread on Social Media only serve to make matters worse.

Whatever happened to the America that I have come to know? We are Americans! We’re better than this!

In light of the observation that many of our “friends” on Facebook are people we may not have seen since high school or college, if we have ever met them at all, is far preferable to have a small circle of close friends in the real world than it is to have legions of virtual friends in the online world.

In light of the observation that Social Media use take us a lot of time (and money) that would be better spent on living our lives in the real world.

Why is it that some people spend real money on virtual things (e.g. Candy Crush, Farmville, Cityville, Margaritaville)?

In light of the abovementioned observations, I have come to the painful realization that Social Media will always get more out of us than we will get out of it. After months of soul-searching, and consultations with my wife, my pastor, my therapist, and my attorney, the time has come for me to permanent delete all of my Social Media accounts with the exception of LinkedIn. This decision is not one to be taken lightly. However, I value my privacy and peace mof mind far more than I value the opinions and judgements of those who hardly know me at all. Let us meet in person (at least, once this this COVID-19 nightmare is over).

Take care and Godspeed,

Bill

I do have some thoughts of my own that I would like to share, but I’ll leave those to a future post.

Lent and Social Media Update—Week 1 (for lack of a better title)

It’s about a week and a half into Lent and a good bit has happened in that time. Let’s see…

I deactivated my Twitter account.
I deleted my Reddit account.
I deleted one of my Instagram accounts.
I deleted one of my Facebook pages.
I started reading Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport.
I watched a TED talk: How better tech could protect us from distraction (Tristan Harris).
I listened to an audiobook: Logged In & Stressed Out by Paula Durkofsky.
While it’s not specifically related to the topic at hand, I almost finished a hand knit afghan that will be a wedding gift (the wedding is 3/11). I’m pretty darn happy about that so I thought it was worth mentioning. 🙂

There are some things I’ve been thinking about as I’ve been reading and learning more.

The way the algorithms are set up, I’m not likely to get much attention. My posts may or may not show up in my friends’ feeds. If my friends may not see my posts, then is it really worth the effort to post?

On friends–how many do I really need anyway? It seems like I would be better served by keeping my family and a few cherished friends close, investing the most time and effort in those relationships, rather than trying to maintain a bunch of what would essentially be acquaintances. My time and energy are limited and I need to use them wisely.

One thing that struck me from Paula Durkofsky’s book is that while she maintains that it’s possible to have a balanced relationship with social media connections and real-life connections, social media may not be advisable for some people–those who are actively struggling with anxiety and/or depression (raising my hand here!). Those dealing with those conditions are likely to find that social media exacerbates their issues and makes them feel worse. When you combine that with the ongoing pandemic, civil and political unrest, and other more personal issues, it can all become overwhelming and send someone into a tailspin.

As I previously mentioned, I started reading Cal Newport’s Digital Minimialism.One thing to know about Cal Newport is that he has never had a social media account of any kind. Knowing that, I went in assuming that he would encourage the reader to dump all of their social media accounts (and maybe even their smartphones); I was surprised to find out that he doesn’t necessarily espouse that. Instead, he takes more of the Marie Kondo approach to it, where you carefully evaluate a platform’s value and usefulness to you. In other words, does this platform bring joy to your life? Is using this platform a good use of your time? Where does using this platform fit in with your life goals and priorities?

It’s definitely a lot to consider, but I’m already taking action on it, starting to eliminate the less than useful things from my online presence (see list above). I’m also starting to think of it beyond just my social media. I’m considering the other ways that I use a screen to keep me entertained and informed and will be making some decisions when the time is right.

On a final note, I’m starting to see some changes since dropping most social media. Most notably, my overall mood is improving. That could also be at least partly attributed to the sleep medication I started on recently. Regardless, I consider it a win. 🙂

Most of my blog posts start out like this—in longhand, in a journal, and written with a fountain pen filled with pretty ink.

It’s Lent…let’s attempt this again!

Here it is another Lenten season and I’ve resolved yet again to give up most social media until Easter, if not longer. I didn’t originally plan on it, but a couple of things happened and that prompted me to reevaluate and decide that giving it up would be the best course of action.

It’s less than a week into Lent and I’m already starting to question my reasons for being on there to begin with. I do want connection with other people, but is this the best way of going about it? Does it really bring me that much joy? Do most of my social media connections really care about me or are they just looking for my “like”? Is there a better way to keep connected to the people closest to me when I can’t be with them in person?

One positive result of the move away from social media is that I don’t get pelted with annoying advertisements for things I really don’t need anyhow.

Not being on social media means that I have more time to pursue the things that I love and that truly bring me joy.

Not being on social media means that I’m moving away from depending on other peoples’ approval of me. I can do what I want and say what I want with less chance of it being misconstrued by people who don’t know me that well or not at all. My employer won’t be able to find me on there and dig up any dirt to hold against me (not that I would be posting anything of that nature purposefully, but you never know…).

So, what would happen if I completely wiped away my social media presence? Perhaps…

More freedom.
I can love others better.
More peace.
Less judgemental attitude.
More presence in the real world.

In this post I’ve asked myself a lot of questions. All the questions I’ve asked boil down to one overarching question:

Is being on social media good for my spirit?

In addition to staying (mostly) off of social media (I’ve already had to get back on to deal with a hack to my Facebook account), I’ll be reflecting on that question throughout the season. I’ve also started reading up on social media’s effect on society, as a whole. Using both head knowledge and my gut instinct, my goal is to come to a definite decision about my future with social media by Easter Sunday (April 4). Throughout the season, I’ll be sharing what I’m learning here so that my readers can walk with me as I ponder this important matter.

Adventures in Reading

From the time I was a tiny girl, I’ve always loved books and reading. As my journey through this life has progressed, this is the one interest that has consistently stayed with me. I was the kid who stayed up after her bedtime with a flashlight and book reading under the covers. This love of books and reading led me to become a librarian, a career that has served me well for over 20 years. Getting to be around books and making a decent living while doing has been a great thing. Being exposed to a wide diversity of titles and fellow library staff from a wide variety of backgrounds isn’t a bad thing, either; both have stretched my mind to consider perspectives that I wouldn’t have thought of when I first started my journey as a librarian.

Me at 5 with Mema (Dad’s mom) “reading”.

Before I digress any further, I will say that the point of this post is not so much my career in librarianship (that might show up in a future post though), but more about my reading habits. From the time I was young, I pretty much read anything that I could get my hands on. I remember being in elementary school and perusing the biographies at my school’s media center—I still enjoy good biographies to this day. At home, I read and reread and reread (and reread…) Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House of the Prairie series, a gift to me and my sister from our favorite great-aunt. I also read and reread The Wizard of Oz, a gift from my grandma (or great-grandmother, I don’t remember for sure). Before I could read those, my sister and I also shared multiple Richard Scarry books, many that were gifted to us by various family members. While I wouldn’t consider my parents voracious readers, there were always newspapers and magazines around.

Over the course of my life, my reading interests have drifted from one genre to another and back again in an effort to satisfy my curious mind and entertain myself. Looking at my TBR list on Goodreads, I know that I will never have an good excuse to be bored again with what I’m reading. As my job at the library has me selecting nonfiction titles for adult readers, my reading has tended to lean towards nonfiction with a little fiction thrown in for variety. Then a pandemic happened…

With the onset of the pandemic, it did have a bit of a negative effect on my reading habits in the beginning, as I found it hard to concentrate on my usual nonfiction fare. Several weeks in and finally realizing that this “new normal” was going to be around for a good long while, I knew that I needed a way to escape that didn’t involve getting on a cruise ship and sailing away from my personal and the world’s problems. Fiction to the rescue!

Since the pandemic started, I’ve found fiction to be a great way to escape. I’ve been reading a decent variety of authors, many which were new to me. Genre-wise, I’ve been reading cozy mysteries, general fiction, and a bit of romance. I’ve been adding more fiction titles to my TBR list. Whether I’ve bought them or have checked them out from the library, these little escapes cost a whole lot less than a cruise. Books for the win!

As I’ve previously mentioned, a lot of my books do come from the library—spending five days a week at one makes it super-convenient to go browse the shelves or pick up holds. Also, being able to check out ebooks and audiobooks from anywhere with an internet connection is the ultimate in convenience for book lovers. 😉 In an effort to lend a little support to the local used bookstore during the pandemic-related economic downturn, I’ve also picked up a few titles from them.

In my over 20 years at my current library, I’ve made it a point to support the local Friends of the Library’s twice-yearly book sales, as they do a lot to support not only the library itself, but local literacy efforts. Unfortunately, the traditional book sales our Friends group are known for far and wide (at least in the southeastern United States), have become a casualty of the pandemic. Fortunately, our Friends group has taken a lemons to lemonade approach and was able to come up with an innovative and more pandemic-friendly way to sell their books and raise money—the BOB sale!

BOB stands for Bag Of Books. Volunteers will gather up a variety of books (or CDs, DVDs, and even puzzles) in a particular subject area or genre and package them in a brown paper bag. All the buyer knows is the subject area/genre and an approximate range of how many books are in the bag. The buyer won’t find out exactly what is in the bag until after they pick it up and open the package. Seeing as I’ve been making an effort to expand the variety of fiction that I’ve been reading, I bit, choosing a bag of newer hardback fiction titles published between 2015-2020. For $10.00, I would get 6-8 books—an excellent deal any way you look at it. I placed my order and eagerly waited for the day I could go pick up my very own BOB.

Pick-up day arrives and I head over to the Friends of the Library book house to pick up my package. I received this…

My BOB, waiting to be opened. The anticipation in the opening reminded me of opening a Christmas gift.

Here’s what I got…

With a mystery package like this one, there was a little bit of concern that I might get something that I’ve read before but that proved not to be the case. While I had heard of a few of the authors, I had not read any of them before. I recognized a few titles as having been bestsellers, but not all of them. From reading the blurbs on all the titles, it looks like I got a good variety of different titles—family drama, thriller, historical, and international. These aren’t titles I would’ve necessarily picked for myself had I attended the sale in it’s traditional format, but I look forward to giving them a read. Who knows, I might find a new favorite author among them.

Social Media Habits: an Update

Since I haven’t mentioned much about it in a while, I thought I’d revisit what’s been happening with my efforts to reduce my social media consumption.

For me to completely cut out social media would be unrealistic at this point, but I am continuing to spend a whole lot less time on it. I think it’s been a good two weeks since I’ve logged on to Facebook for any length of time. I do log on to Instagram a few times a week, but I usually don’t stay on for more than a few minutes at a time and I will still make an occasional post there. Twitter–I generally don’t log on unless it’s to share a tweet generated via another app. Overall, I’m satisfied with this level of social media engagement (or nonengagement).

I still believe that my decision to greatly reduce my level of social media engagement was absolutely the right one for me. There are the obvious reasons, like staying out of the political debates and avoiding the toxic people that tend to hang out on there, but there are less obvious reasons that relate more to my own personal situation. Even without global and national issues like a pandemic, a contentious political season, and civil unrest, my plate is already full to overflowing with my own personal issues. I don’t need the unnecessary stress that trying to maintain “friendships” via social media entails. I just need to keep my focus on what is absolutely necessary for me to take care of myself and deal with the specific issues at hand.

One of the things I’m finding that is on my list of essential things is personal contact with other people, whether they be friends, family, or mental health professionals. With some of the things I’m dealing with at this point, it would be very easy for me to isolate myself away from the people who matter to me, but I’m not doing myself any favors by doing that. Even for those of us who tend to be more introverted, we still need some personal contact with other people, whether it be face-to-face or screen-to-screen. We all need to surround ourselves with people that we can share our real selves with without the fear of judgement. Attempting to replicate that on social media makes us more vulnerable to judgements and misunderstandings from people who don’t really know us that well. I believe that the support and reassurance of the people closest to me will help me get through this rough patch.

As to what I will do with social media long-term, I don’t know yet. While I’ve decided not to cut it out completely right now, that’s not to say that cutting it out completely is out of the question down the road. The decision to leave social media entirely is not a light one, so I don’t want to rush it. I will trust my instincts to tell me what I need to do going forward…one day at a time…one step at a time.

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