I decided to make my Facebook exit a day early. My efforts to do that were more like attempting to leave the Hotel California (thanks Don Henley!). I clicked my way through until this stopped me:
“Welcome to the Hotel California.” 🤦🏻♀️
I tried it on my iPad, my laptop, and my husband’s laptop and got the same message. I finally was able to get it to deactivate my account. It’s not ideal, but it’ll have to do for now.
I would say that the Facebook gods are conspiring against me, but then my husband and I tried to switch cell phone carriers and weren’t able to due to a technological glitch on the carrier’s end.
As I’ve mentioned before, my future decisions regarding social media won’t be based solely on my emotions, but will also include facts and insights from other people via books, videos, and articles.
Since I haven’t mentioned much about it in a while, I thought I’d revisit what’s been happening with my efforts to reduce my social media consumption.
For me to completely cut out social media would be unrealistic at this point, but I am continuing to spend a whole lot less time on it. I think it’s been a good two weeks since I’ve logged on to Facebook for any length of time. I do log on to Instagram a few times a week, but I usually don’t stay on for more than a few minutes at a time and I will still make an occasional post there. Twitter–I generally don’t log on unless it’s to share a tweet generated via another app. Overall, I’m satisfied with this level of social media engagement (or nonengagement).
I still believe that my decision to greatly reduce my level of social media engagement was absolutely the right one for me. There are the obvious reasons, like staying out of the political debates and avoiding the toxic people that tend to hang out on there, but there are less obvious reasons that relate more to my own personal situation. Even without global and national issues like a pandemic, a contentious political season, and civil unrest, my plate is already full to overflowing with my own personal issues. I don’t need the unnecessary stress that trying to maintain “friendships” via social media entails. I just need to keep my focus on what is absolutely necessary for me to take care of myself and deal with the specific issues at hand.
One of the things I’m finding that is on my list of essential things is personal contact with other people, whether they be friends, family, or mental health professionals. With some of the things I’m dealing with at this point, it would be very easy for me to isolate myself away from the people who matter to me, but I’m not doing myself any favors by doing that. Even for those of us who tend to be more introverted, we still need some personal contact with other people, whether it be face-to-face or screen-to-screen. We all need to surround ourselves with people that we can share our real selves with without the fear of judgement. Attempting to replicate that on social media makes us more vulnerable to judgements and misunderstandings from people who don’t really know us that well. I believe that the support and reassurance of the people closest to me will help me get through this rough patch.
As to what I will do with social media long-term, I don’t know yet. While I’ve decided not to cut it out completely right now, that’s not to say that cutting it out completely is out of the question down the road. The decision to leave social media entirely is not a light one, so I don’t want to rush it. I will trust my instincts to tell me what I need to do going forward…one day at a time…one step at a time.
Image taken by Yours Truly in fall 2014–Cumberland Gap, Tennessee. I haven’t done a whole lot of photography since then, but it’s something that I want to get back in to, when the time is right. 🙂
Housekeeping has never been my strong suit. Even if I were totally not self-aware, people have been around me my entire life to remind me of this. It’s not that I haven’t desired to live in a neat orderly home, it’s just the thought of having to put in the effort to keep it that way that has overwhelmed me to the point of inaction. Rest assured, I’m not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination; as a matter of fact, the homes of the hoarders you see on the TV shows make my home look ready for a photo shoot, should Southern Living show up at my doorstep, unannounced. 😂
Over the years, I’ve tried various tips, tricks, and systems in order to establish some sense of order to my home and almost all of them have failed, with one exception. A few years ago, I learned about the work of The Minimalists. What Joshua Fields Milburn and Ryan Nicodemus had to say about the impact of consumer culture and it’s influence on our buying habits and overall quality of life made a lot of sense. When it comes to the clutter that surrounds us, less is more. Since then, my now-husband and I have gotten rid of piles and piles of things and we’re becoming more mindful about the purchases that we do make. Even with less stuff cluttering up our home, it’s still been a challenge to keep it in order.
A few weeks ago, I got a notification from Netflix about a new series they would be premiering soon called Get Organized with The Home Edit. Anything that can potentially help me get my home in better shape is definitely worth checking out so I put it on my to-watch list to be notified once it premiered. I had heard of the book The Home Edit: a guide to organizing and realizing your house goals but I hadn’t paid much attention to it before.
I finally got the notification that GOwTHE was finally premiering so I made a point to sit down and start watching the evening of it’s premiere. I was absolutely blown away by the makeovers and the methods Clea and Joanna used to turn chaotic spaces into organized, functional, and beautiful spaces. I immediately went to my public library’s website and put a hold on The Home Edit book, looking forward to what I could do with my home to make it more functional and easier to keep up.
The following day, I figured out where I wanted to start my own Home Edit—my kitchen. Ever since moving into my current home in February of this year, I hadn’t been able to organize it in a way that made much sense to the way I function in that space. A couple of things I’ve learned from the show is that like things should be stored together and that the things that you use the most often should be stored where you can most easily access them. With the way my kitchen was set up, I was having to use a step-stool to access the dishes I needed to make banana bread, which is something that I do fairly often. That wasn’t working too well, so something needed to change. While sitting at work all day, I couldn’t wait to get home to get started.
Friday evening was mostly spent on the editing process, pulling things that we no longer needed and setting them aside for donation. For someone who had already downsized her kitchen significantly, I was still able to pull quite a few things that I didn’t need anymore. My husband was around, assisting me with deciding what to keep and loading my car with the items to be donated. Among other things that I accomplished that evening was that I was able to move my Instant Pot from it’s original home on the countertop to a space underneath the counter with room to store it’s accessories, too. While I didn’t have any baskets to sort my pantry items and plastic ware lids into, I still went on ahead and put them in their new homes, with baskets to be purchased later.
Saturday started with a trip to the local Humane Society thrift store to drop off my items to be donated. I wound up leaving there with a new-to-me set of OXO Good Grips mixing bowls, which I got for a sweet price. I had broken my biggest glass mixing bowl the weekend before and figured that these plastic bowls would be a great replacement, as I would never have to worry about breaking them. I had already done enough organizing in my kitchen that I already knew exactly where these bowls would go—in a small cabinet beside my stove I had set aside for baking implements—much more convenient than having to pull out the step-stool whenever I want to make banana bread. On the way home, I stopped off at another thrift store to see if they had any suitable baskets I could use for the pantry and/or my lids. Don’t get me wrong—I LOVE The Container Store (so does THE), but my current budget doesn’t, so for a whopping $2.41 (including tax), I brought home four plastic baskets. I spent the rest of the afternoon organizing my kitchen, including under the sink (picture below) and even managed to get a little bit more done this morning before I left for church.
Better organized kitchen sink cabinet—The white dishpan, which I already had, holds my cleaning supplies and the blue container holding my dish towels and dishcloths is a small cat litter box we never got around to using for it’s intended purpose. The small shelf rack holds our supply of zipper bags with plastic wrap, aluminum foil, and parchment paper underneath.
While I wouldn’t consider it 100% done, it definitely looks and functions better than before. It was definitely a great way to use up bunch of nervous energy (which has nothing to do with the state of my home), definitely better than sitting around idly scrolling through meaningless social media posts.
Inspiration passage from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, p.175.
Social media is a hard habit to break.
One of my dearest friends got me the book Atomic Habits: an easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones by James Clear as a Christmas gift last year. Finding out that a virtual book club at the library I work at was reading it this month was enough to finally get me to crack it open and start reading.
Early on, the author encourages the reader to note their own habits and examine the motivations behind them. For me, social media is a way to connect with people, as well as a pacifier for boredom and anxiety, especially during these last months of dealing with a pandemic and political and racial unrest. Ironically, it was actually adding to my anxiety level.
Earlier this year, I had given up Facebook for Lent, but had kept up other social media platforms as they weren’t anywhere near the timesuck that Facebook was. I was doing pretty well with it, reaping the benefits of calm and serenity that not constantly being exposed to other people’s drama brought about. Then the pandemic happened and I was naturally curious about what was happening with my Facebook friends, so I logged back on. Bye bye Lent resolution!
By the time I started reading Atomic Habits, I knew that my Facebook habit had once again become an issue. When I read the passage in the photo, I knew it was something that I wanted to try. My husband also has similar issues with social media and was agreeable to trying it with me so we swapped passwords.
This is day three of my latest attempt to get my social media usage under better control and the of level peace and calm is going up while the desire to log on is going down. Who knows? Perhaps I won’t even have a desire to logon at all this weekend when I can. We’ll see. 😊
I’m not sure exactly when this midlife phenomenon hit me. I’m thinking that the earliest indicator of it may have been when I left my first husband in 2013. I could also argue that leaving the first husband was something I should have done well before I hit my 40s, but whatever…
I would probably say that it came on more strongly in the past couple of years. I’ve been questioning everything—my career, my spirituality, who I am, and where I want to head as I fully embrace my middle age and beyond.
On one level, it is a crisis, but on another, it is an opportunity to evaluate these things and decide what (and who) really matters or doesn’t going forward. I only get one go-around at this life and I want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth doing things that matter to me. I don’t say that in a completely selfish way, as I would like to leave this world a better place than I found it, in addition to crossing some things off of my bucket list.
Going forward, I’ll be sharing the details of the things I’m learning. While I can’t say exactly how often I’ll be posting here, I do intend to do it on a more regular basis. Watch this space for more to come! 😊
A lot has happened since the husband and I were married almost three years ago. For me, medical issues and their ongoing treatment have come into play. We’ve moved twice. The husband has been diagnosed with several medical issues, including ADHD. There have been money issues . Never mind the usual issues that come up when two people get married, move in together, and are adjusting to that new lifestyle. Some days, I’m tempted to hop in the car and drive far, far away from it all.
The husband and I are big fans of the Minimalism movement. Pretty much since we’ve been married, we’ve been trying to implement its principles into our minds and hearts. We’ve been somewhat successful. We’ve managed to get rid of a butt-ton of stuff and are working on making more conscious buying decisions. We’ve downsized our apartment. Yet, when I look at the mess that is my apartment and our credit card and other debt balances, I can say that we definitely have not arrived yet. We’ve still got a long way to go.
Lately, I’ve been working really hard to fight against the anxiety and depression that wants to overtake my mind and spirit. I think this may be due, at least in part, to the physical and financial clutter that’s laying around. If I want long-term peace of mind, I’ve determined that it has to go–no more playing around. My mental (and maybe my physical) health depends on it.
My Facebook -free life is going well so far. I’m definitely feeling more calm and peaceful without all that extra drama. With that being said, there is still a place in my life for social media. Through social media, I’ve connected with lots of interesting people and have been exposed to new ideas that I wouldn’t have otherwise been introduced to. It definitely adds value to my life so it stays. 😊
I’m now getting my social media fix through three channels–Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit.
Instagram (@heatherdlknits)–I am a photographer at heart, so whether it’s quick snaps with my phone or with my “real” camera, this is a natural outlet for my pics. I enjoy following other photographers, cat lovers, knitting friends, and other inspirational types. There’s very little, if any politics in my feed.
Twitter (@heatherdw20)–While I do share my photography and a few personal things here, I use it mainly as a news feed to keep up with favorite personalities, businesses, organizations, bloggers, and special interests. I don’t keep up with very many personal friends this way so if someone really gets in my nerves, it’s easy to unfollow them without any ill consequences. On a side note, I’ll put in a plug for the Twitterrific app. It’s a paid app (iOS/Mac), but it is worth it for the ad-free Twitter experience.
Reddit (u/heatherslightbox)–While still relatively new to me, Reddit is proving to be a satisfactory replacement for Facebook groups geared towards my special interests.
So far, this combination is working out. As for the long run, only time will tell.
I deactivated my Facebook account today–not for the first time. While I’m doing it for my sanity, I also feel as if I’m cutting some people out of my life. These are good people–not the ones who would cause problems online. It’s sad that I feel that I have to take such an extreme measure. These people are simply collateral casualties in the effort to deal with a bigger problem. It’s not fair, but a lot of things in life aren’t fair.
If (or when) I do reactivate, then I would most likely have to unfriend or at least unfollow those who are the most prolific posters of political content, regardless of their intentions.
I just hate to see people be so ugly to each other no matter the context. If they won’t stop it, then I just have to remove myself from it.
Social Media is great…except for the political posts. It’s not that I don’t care about what is happening in the world. I just don’t like to see it all of the time in my feed. Most of the people who post these types of things do truly care about the state of the world so I know that there is no evil intent. They just want their friends to be aware of what is happening. I have two problems with it, though…
1. There’s too much of it.
2. Not all of it comes from credible vetted sources. Even some of the memes I see are based on questionable, if not outright false ideas.
I wish there was a way to get people to stop posting this kind of stuff. I’m not sure if it has changed anybody’s mind about anything and it has a negative effect on my peace of mind.
Maybe my struggles with anxiety lately aren’t simply because of physical medical issues. This could be a good part of why I’ve been so stressed out lately. My upper back stays tight, which is a clue that something isn’t right.
With all of that being said, I think it’s time for me to take yet another break from Facebook. I don’t know how long it’ll be before I come back. I enjoy keeping up with my friends, but my mental health is more important at this point.
Heather 2.0 